I drowned within
God hated me;
The six years when
I kept the sin
Hidden deep and outward in,
Not one win.
It's true you die when sin is hid.
But never once, no never, did
I justify it.
It owned me. I was it's slave;
Gerasene complete with cave.
Bulimia became my Schwinn;
My cycled anorexic twin,
As long as it stayed secret.
I could've said it's "who I am"
Because it was.
Had I surrendered to its way,
Had I sought others in its sway,
Willing it, to us, define,
Then scrawled a hundred angry signs,
Formed us rallies, demonstrated,
Labelled enemies who hate us.
Instead I begged. Upon my knees,
One thousand guilty anguished pleas.
Most took place beside commode,
Wondring why this God had shown
Plodded long, 'till came a day
Asked ONE to pray.
How dare I let my demon down!
"Out" myself to one so round?
But then, the gates of Heav'n opened.
Soft Word spoken:
"Hate your parents, you'll stay broken."
Repent of deeper wounds impressed?
Forgive the authors of my mess?
I'd do anything to earn
Good graces back to me returned.
So I admitted. Acquiesced.
Withheld resentment. God, impressed,
Hauled up the black immersing pest.
Bound my breaks, gave psychic rest.
I just confessed.
No one asked, but I told one.
Then Healing from the FatherSon
And HOLY SPIRIT,